If wishes were horses, fools would ride

Or at least I would.

I've been spending the last two weeks or so reading the backlogs of Crazy Aunt Purl. The more I read her stuff, the more my own dreams. And desires coalese into a quantifiable whole. I want:
A boy
A cat (preferably several)
Yarn
Control over my own life and finances. I want a job where I do the honest work instead or running around a house and then being berated constantly about the amount of money I have doesn't even though it is necessary for keeping the household fed and taken care of. I want to know how much I can spend on what instead of being given arbitrary conditions to meet that have next to no relation to the real world. I want to live away from my parents, and no be yelled at or berated or put down or mocked. I'm tired of it. I hate it. I want out. But as it stands, I see no way out. I can only hope that my last year of college will give me the skills and sources necessary for carving my own way.
I want a Budget
I want a job
I want my own place, where I can lock the door and no one will walk in unless I open it.
I want my freedom and I want time
I want to grow up. I've done a lot of eit in the past couple of years, but I still feel that it's not enough.
I want my parents to get he help/kick in the pants that they need to settle their differences and go on their way or to get back together. I don't care which.
Gypsy blood thoug I may have, I want to settle down, at least for a couple of years.
I want to graduate with good grades.
I want to loose weight. I hate my body as it is right now, but I still feel too lazy to do anything properly about it.
I want... I know I want more than this.I want a kick in the pants. I want motivation

I also know that what I need is the motivation to work for everything else on my list. I'm well aware that just wanting smething isn't going to make it happen. I know that I must be the change that I wish to see in the world. I just wish I had the faintest ideas of how to go about doing such a thing. Nothing I've learned had ever explained how that happened. I want to work in a yarn shop. I want to help people for all that I'm a pretty closeted introvert. I like to help. I want to find a way out of this terrible ennui that has seized me. I'm well aware that by my own nature I'm fairly lazy, but that if I put my mind to it, I can work like the Horsse that I am. I want to be a person that my grandparents, that my mom, that my little brother would be proud to claim as family.

I wish I knew where to look for a kick in e pants.

On the knitting front, I've broken my habit of knitting only when I'm stressed... At least I like to think that I have, in reality, what's probably happened is that I've become stressed again. Living with parents sucks past a certain age. Currently, I'm trying to finish a blanket that I've started but botched part of and a casae for a new techy toy. I just hope it doesn't get taken away. I might go and knit after this post, since sleep has been a long otime coming as of late.

I will break free of this ennui. I just wish I knew how.